puella

Why

2009-06-10T05:10:00.001-07:00

Why is the University spending millions on a new Students' Union building while saying it needs to cut jobs?

Now is the age of the discontented- Frank Furedi

2009-06-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

'At times the very act of making a complaint - regardless of its validity - is interpreted as evidence of the fact that universities must change their ways. How many times have you heard the refrain that "students feel they must get their money's worth" or that "consumerminded students are more and more aware of their rights"? Consumer consciousness and the impulse to complain are invariably associated with the sacred concepts of "rights". As Rob Behrens, the Independent Adjudicator, has noted, "The bottom line is that students are today more assertive in thinking about what their rights are and what things they can get from the commitments they make." Such representation of student consumerism represents its implicit affirmation. According to Behrens, it is "not a bad thing".'

Frank Furedi
Times Higher 4 June 2009

2009-05-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

If I just walk, with no particular intention, I end up at your department. I get there and I am shocked at myself. Normally I just check to see if the bike is there. It sees me and remembers our fun. It looks sad. I understand what it is like to be sad. I am sad in the middle of me. You won't come out for me, but will you wait? You have waited a long time.

yippee!

2009-05-23T07:35:00.001-07:00

I start my PhD in July!

only the children cry about it

2009-04-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

I filled my Sunday evening by reading To Kill A Mockingbird again, for the first time since being a child. I don't have it here, so I can't quote my favourite bits, but what it has left me with is a feeling that our way of being in the world can be absurd (now I am saying absurd absurd absurd to myself, it has stopped having the same meaning as it did when I first thought of it, so I am no longer sure it is the word I want to use). What I think I mean is that when we are children, injustice seems obvious and unacceptable - and we are incredulous about it (if, for example, our brother got a bigger slice of cake than we did). And when we are adults we accept a lot of injustice all about us - I think I do too - it's a huge part of my society. In the story, the little boy (Jem? or was it Dill?) is the only one who cries at the injustice in the courtroom, even though everyone else is aware of the injustice. Everyone else, even if they are sad, accepts it, and didn't expect any different. This is like the quote about fear of death (below) and the slow decline of questioning - just going along. Getting squashed by all the mundanities so that justice doesn't seem as important anymore.

That's all, I think.

Joseph Rowntree Report Trust report on the Database State

2009-03-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Of 46 Gov't databases investigated, about a quarter are likely to be illegal under human rights or data protection laws.

Madness.

death and questions

2009-03-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

Much of what I fear is really about death (or perhaps being old). Things are not as they were. I am frightened that the brightness will go from my eyes. I am scared that my wonder and my questions will go.

Like this? -

"I can tell you, then, that I am afraid of death. Not of what we imagine about death, for this fear is itself imaginary. Nor of my death whose date will be recorded in the civic registers of the state. But of that death I suffer every moment, of the death of that voice which, out of the depths of my childhood keeps asking , as yours does: "What am I?" and which everything within us and around us seems bent on stifling. When this voice does not speak - and it does not speak often! - I am an empty carcass, a restless cadaver. I am afraid that one day it will fall silent forever, or that it will wake up too late - as in your story of the flies: when you wake up, you're dead."

- Rene Daumal, Mount Analogue, 1981 (taken from http://www.gardendigest.com/death.htm) bold added by me.

There's a Leunig cartoon that says just the same thing.

How do I stop it? Love?

gangs develop primarily in two contexts -

2009-03-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

....gangs develop primarily in two contexts - first, in the slum or ghetto where privacy as a counterpart of the manor can't be had and a reversion takes place to the wild state, with pack hunting and the patrolling of an actual physical patch of ground; and second, in the armed services, where the gang is dignified by being called a 'regiment' or some other hifilutin dirty word but here the reversion to the wild state is deliberately fostered by deprivation of privacy (barracks accommodation) and deprivation of property (you don't wear the clothes you chose and bought, you wear a uniform which belongs to the US!!!).

p.76 of John Bruner's Stand on Zanzibar (1968)

love letter

2009-03-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

I used to feel like this

I started to bud like a March twig:
An arm and a leg, and arm, a leg.
From stone to cloud, so I ascended.
Now I resemble a sort of god
Floating through the air in my soul-shift
Pure as a pane of ice. It's a gift.

from Sylvia Plath's Love Letter

Temporary victory on clause 152

2009-03-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

Clause 152 is likely to be removed. Need to watch out for a disguised return.

2009-03-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

Such a lack of squirrels and trees.

after such a fall as this

2009-03-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs.
From a very special version of Alice in Wonderland

Problem

2009-02-11T02:31:00.000-08:00

I am feeling more and more perplexed by some of the arguments between social (cognitive) psychologists and critical social psychologists about the existance (or not) of emotions, and feelings as actual things inside our heads. The more I read, the more it feels as though I must side with one camp or the other, and whichever I choose, I will be eternally damned by the other side.
The natural sciences - here I have no (or very little) problem with the idea of fixed structures in the world that we can measure and record (in a lab or otherwise controlled environment), make predictions about, get knowledge and facts about. This stretches to some parts of psychology too - neurology, the biological side of psychology, and I can see the use of experimental social psychology's studies into some aspects of emotional type things (face recognition, responses to fear, response to authority....). However, I cannot see how lab-type studies can give us the whole picture about how meaning is attributed to different aspects of our lives, our experiences, interactions. How can a self-esteem inventory, for example, really tell us anything about something actual and fixed in someone's head? How do we know there are emotions and feelings in our heads? Surely they are created, at least in part, by the words we use to describe them - the meaning of the emotion is something we construct with language in a particular given context. What does self-esteem actually mean? It is something someone made-up - something we continue to make-up until it becomes a 'fact'. Can we not use other methods to investigate feelings, emotions, meanings - especially as created through language and context - as well as traditional cognitive science? I think there is some desperate-to-be-seen-as-a-Science snootery going on.

NADP conference 2009

2009-02-11T02:26:00.000-08:00

I will be running a workshop at the NADP conference this year on dyslexia in HE - particularly on the experience of academics with their dyslexic students and how they approach support.

further encroachments on our freedoms and rights

2009-01-23T00:53:00.000-08:00

My letter to Angela Smith after hearing about a scary new clause in the Coroners and Justice Bill going through parliament. More infor can be found on the NO2ID website http://www.no2id.net/datasharing.php- though this bill isn't actually to do with identity cards - it is to do with how the government would be allowed to share information collected about us - for reasons other that those it was collected for.

MP for Hillsborough 22nd Jan 2009
Sheffield

Dear Angela Smith

I am extremely concerned about a bill being processed in Parliament at the moment. The Bill concerned is the Coroners and Justice Bill [2], and particularly within that, clause 152 (cl.152). This clause would amend the Data Protection Act in a way that is a grave threat to our freedoms and rights.

This clause will allow ministers to make ‘information sharing orders’ that can alter Acts of Parliament and can allow codes of confidentiality to be broken. This would mean that information gathered from people for one reason could be used for another reason.

Please find time to read this clause, and make it known that you do not support it. This is very urgent as the bill is going through imminently.

Yours sincerely,

Harriet Cameron

not eating

2008-12-17T07:11:00.000-08:00

I am having a no eating day on Boxing day to raise a bit of money for the people in Zimbabwe - probably through UNICEF (though if there are other organisations that would be better to give to, I would like to know). Sponsors welcome.

note to self: there was a little white salt pot shaped like a person, and it has gone missing. I prefer it when it is there. And I would prefer whiskey to wine.

2008-10-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.

Nietzche

dream

2008-09-21T23:36:00.000-07:00

There are days when the torment arrives with an empty moment - empty of rush and plan. As if the Question and all of its pain is walking behind me like a sad child, who rushes to me when my arms are briefly free. But the worst days are those which start with a dream. You are always there with abandonment, desperation, incomprehension, and despair. And when I wake my soul is used up. I am an empty shell with even the longing jaded and hopeless.
I miss you. I am a thin line around a you-shaped hole. If you ever think othewise, you are wrong in that thinking. Love has not changed. It will not ever.

Dyslexia 'cure' centres shut down

2008-06-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

'Thirteen UK centres offering controversial treatment for people with dyslexia have been shut down due to financial difficulties. '

BBC News 29th May 2008

Thank goodness.

Sometimes I feel giddy at the thought of being alive. Does this mean I'm on autopilot the rest of the time?

2008-05-28T00:53:00.001-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/may/05/healthandwellbeing

Oh God - I know this feeling. It often hits me after daytime naps and it is terrifying and I usually have to tell someone. This is EXACTLY IT!

But I don't think we are on autopilot the rest of the time because of our modern age of machines. I think if we felt like THAT all of the time, then we would not be able to do anything except gawp and cling to each other and mumble and fall to our knees.

It is also not just to do with being alive and how amazing that is - but also very much about death too. Ooooh - I must come back to this later - I don't know if i have any more powerful feelings than this one described here.

Thank you for finding it. You must have remembered I feel this - the number of times I called you in the midst of it.

star wars - a little different

2008-05-19T23:37:00.001-07:00

From Radio 4

2008-05-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

I have felt particularly desperate today. Sad. Unsure. Wishing for a bridge.

also

2008-05-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

The way Klein writes is also fantastic. I have never remembered the details of a factual book so well. I feel I understand the underpinnings of neoliberalism and the free market more than I ever have.

Naomi Klein - The Shock Doctrine - a short film

2008-05-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

I cried when reading The Shock Doctrine. It made me want to run outside and shout, but also climb into bed and pretend that there aren't people like this - people who really see this ideology through. And you can see the truth of this book in our world now. What will happen after China's earthquake and Burma's natural destruction - will the same happen here. I will watch carefully.

This short film sums it up.

appeal from Sierra Leone for food aid

2008-04-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

I have noticed the price of my food going up. we often spend £80 on a weekly shop - which feels a bit embarrassing to admit (there are 3 of us - 1 is very small). But then, fruit is about 70p a piece and i spent £2 on a small packet of green beans. I wish I had time to work on an allotment. I wish we all did. we all should have time for that.

Yet I still come across mouldy tomatoes in the back of my fridge. And when I then read that the world is on the brink of a food crisis - or is already in one, I feel blessed, and guilty, and afraid. I am sitting at my desk with coffee and fruit loaf and grapes. I eat as much as I like. I can feed my son well. I can be sure that his growing brain is getting all in needs to do its best, and that his little body is packed full of energy so that he can charge around the kitchen patting his tummy shouting mummy mummy daddy.

Imagine knowing that your child's diet wasn't varied enough to let your child grow to their best, or that there wasn't enough food for them to be able to stay strong and fight off illness. That is very depressing. Those things can't be completely undone when a food crisis has passed.

And I think about how different people are from other animals - especially in our compassion and instinct to help people who are weaker than us. If some people do not care, then why do some of us care? On nature programmes when a population of animal is in trouble because of drout or an increase in predators, they don't intervene. They leave nature to balance itself. What makes us different? I am reminded of Ishmael (book about humans and life and hope and despair and a gorilla). Didn't he say something harsh about this? I can't remember.

anyway. The people of Sierra Leone may slip back into war if, as predicted, 90% can no longer afford a bag of rice. I have signed the petition asking governements to help prevent the food crisis from getting any worse: http://www.avaaz.org/en/world_food_crisis/9.php?cl=83726228

I wish people had more time to fight for these important things. Instead, like me, they have to get on with their work.

oh

Pod cast - No to ID cards

2008-04-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

Tech Weekly: A reformed hacker speaks and ID privacy
This is a podcast fromt The Guardian Website. Haven't listened yet. I mean to.

thought

2008-04-25T01:06:00.000-07:00

When the alarm went off in my building a few days ago because I came in through the wrong entrance before the cleaner had arrived, I managed to recall immediately the code to turn off the alarm, even though a day before I had sat at my desk trying for a good few minutes to remember it - writing all sorts of numbers down in different orders to see which was right. How did i manage to remember it so well the next day?

Is there some kind of brain thinig that makes certain kind of stress helpful to remembering?

working too hard?

2008-04-25T01:02:00.000-07:00

Article in the Ecologist: http://www.theecologist.org/archive_detail.asp?content_id=1196

I think working too hard also happens because we start to feel that we need a lot more money than we actually do. If all my friends earnt a lot, I might want to catch up and have the same life style. But they don't, really, earn that much. A lot of what I spend is unnecessary. If we were less wasteful and only bought what we needed perhaps we could all work less.

Is there some rule of economics that makes this impossible?

Fig Crisis!

2008-04-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

This is in The Guardian. Oh No!

The national fig roll crisis: how will we cope?
Martin Wainwright Monday April 21, 2008 The Guardian :

"It's been so exceptionally hot and dry there that the fig harvest is down by half from previous years," says Christine Welberry of the Food and Drink Federation. The wasps are wilting, while in the background the internet buzzes with frustrated roll seekers.

Magical Thinking

2008-04-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

Psychology Today Magazine, Mar/Apr 2008, by Matthew Hutson:

'But that doesn't mean we're good at evaluating sources of contagion. Nemeroff found that people draw the germs of their lovers as less scary-looking than those of enemies, and they say those germs would make them less ill. She also found that undergrads base condom usage on how emotionally safe they feel with a partner more than on objective risk factors for catching STDs.'

This is really true. I had to wash a glass that someone i didn't like much had drunk water from, before i refilled it for myself, but if it had been my friend i wouldn't have bothered washing it.

How odd and irrational.

living wild for a year

2008-04-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

The comments about one reporter's way of going about living wild for a year and foraging/ eating road kill, are so extreme. Strange how putting pictures up of how to skin a badger is so disgusting to some people. The badger was already dead! This is where being a vegetarian doesn't make so much sense to me - when it means that you waste food on principle.

I do worry, though, that our countryside could not sustain all of us in this way - and we if we all started doing it, it would be a huge problem for our ecosystem.

2008-04-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

chalkcartoon

2008-03-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

This is beautiful. Horrible and morbid, but also funny. Wonderful.

Britain is slithering down the road towards a police state

2008-02-15T00:02:00.000-08:00

There is no "balance" to be struck between civil liberty and national security. Civil liberty is absolute, security its handmaid. Measures are needed to protect the public, but a firm line needs to be drawn round them. The line must accept a degree of risk, or a police state is just around the corner.

Simon Jenkins
The Guardian,
Wednesday February 6 2008

quote

2008-01-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

There is a general risk that those who flock together, on the Internet or elsewhere, will end up both confident and wrong

by Sunstein
shown on front page of Open Democracy, Wednesday 16th January 2008

and

2008-01-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

one of the first adventures happened while just sitting on a wall

my usual approach is useless here

2008-01-08T05:42:00.001-08:00

letter to my MP - third runway

2007-12-29T12:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Angela Smith

I would like to express my anger about the proposed third runway at Heathrow airport. I am angry because this plan tells me that the government do not care about the UK’s contribution to climate change, and that any promises they make to do with the slowing of global warming are merely token.

The Government claim to have accepted that Global Warming is a real and terrible problem for us, and that we need to act. How can I see their agreement for a third runway as anything but hypocrisy or utter ignorance? We need to be reducing flights (and use of cars – here we see similarly ridiculous and hypocritical plans for widening the M1). How can any of us believe that it is worthwhile turning off our lights, turning appliances off standby, or cycling to work when these are rendered pointless in a country where 800,000 flights may take off every day from one airport (according to aviation Minister Gillian Merron) .

Aviation is apparently responsible for 13% of Britain’s global warming emissions (Government’s own figures – discussed, for example, by Airport Watch: http://www.aef.org.uk/downloads/CO2statementMay07.doc). I can recommend George Monbiot’s ‘Heat’ as the place to read about what the consequences might be for our world if we do not cut our emissions drastically and fast. Have you read it?

It seems that the argument that we need airport expansion for our economy is not sound (Government report: Transport and the Economy,1999). Moreover, the noise will be unbearable for thousands of people in the area (Attitudes to Noise from Aviation Sources in England, Department of Transport, October 2007).

Please can you answer the following questions:

Where do you stand on this issue? If you support the third runway, please can you explain why, and tell me how you feel this represents the needs/ opinions of the people who elected you? And how you reconcile this with the results of the government reports cited in this article (I am sure you have read them).

If you do not support the third runway, please tell me what action you have taken to prevent it.

Please tell me what you are doing personally to reduce your carbon footprint.

I feel I am trying hard to do my bit by not driving (I cycle to work), I use washable nappies for my son, I try to buy second hand clothes where I can, I travel by train rather than plane. This is not enough.

What do you do?

Thank you very much,

Harriet Cameron

2007-12-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

which is right.

Except that, it isn't quite (too late)
and therefore it isn't sweet (time)
and so I do still follow them (hips, his)
into my imagination.

But everything else was right.

SWEET TIME - Leonard Cohen

2007-12-27T12:27:00.000-08:00

SWEET TIME

How sweet time feels
when it's too late

and you don't have to follow
her swinging hips

all the way into
your dying imagination

Leonard Cohen, Book of Longing (2006), p.47

The Golden Compass

2007-12-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

the film adaptation of Philip Pulman's first book in the Dark Material's trilogy was really disappointing. A few actors were great but Lyra was wooden and far to pretty pretty. They missed out a lot of detail and what they did get was lacking magic.

I wish they had left it alone.

moment

2007-12-20T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have left oli with his cow to go to sleep and now I have my coffee ready to be plunged and a glorious half hour with just me in it.

I wonder what you are doing.

Climate - targets

2007-12-20T00:49:00.000-08:00

It seems canada and the US have gone along with the 2020 targets for reduced emissions. This is wonderful. Hooray for collective action (and booing of US delegates by delegates of the world).

laughter and altruism

2007-12-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

Evidence that laughter makes us more altruistic towards strangers (Uni of Kent and Liverpool, Vugt, Hardy, Stow and Dunbar).

This has big implications. I am wondering about the effects upon my interviewees in my investigation of lecturer perspectives of dyslexic students - will their responses be different if I begin with a joke? Will they be more generous? The way I approach the interview/ behave...etc must be so crucial to the conversation we have - how can I separate my input from the experiences I elicit? I probably can't. What does this say about the usefulness of interview data? I am not sure.

question

2007-12-19T00:28:00.000-08:00

Why do I lose my hearing during a yawn?

Ahoy there - Leunig

2007-12-18T05:27:00.000-08:00

The Dyslexia Controversy

2007-12-17T03:23:00.000-08:00

This video focuses on the problems of assessment and financial provision for dyelxic students at university - The University of Sheffield is used as an example. I find a very broad range of need levels in the students I see and the worries raised in this video worry me too. Is dyslexia a middle class condition? What does a diagnosis of dyslexia actually mean now? - especially now the discrepancy with I.Q. criterion has been removed.

A new kind of library

2007-12-12T00:55:00.000-08:00

If we didn't have to work as much, this might really take off.

Stop the Clash of Civilizations

2007-12-12T00:42:00.000-08:00

This video from Avaaz is fantastic - absolutely spot on.

George Monbiot on patriotism

2007-12-12T00:21:00.000-08:00

George Monbiot writes:

I don’t hate Britain, and I am not ashamed of my nationality, but I have no idea why I should love this country more than any other. There are some things I like about it and some things I don’t, and the same goes for everywhere else I’ve visited. To become a patriot is to lie to yourself, to tell yourself that whatever good you might perceive abroad, your own country is, on balance, better than the others. It is impossible to reconcile this with either the evidence of your own eyes or a belief in the equality of humankind. Patriotism of the kind Orwell demanded in 1940 is necessary only to confront the patriotism of other people: the Second World War, which demanded that the British close ranks, could not have happened if Hitler hadn’t exploited the national allegiance of the Germans. The world will be a happier and safer place when we stop putting our own countries first.

www.monbiot.com

When I taught in Greece in the mountain villiage of Arachova, I often felt annoyed that all of the children insisted that Greece was the best and most beautiful country in the world. Best food, best people, best countryside, best everything. Most of them had never gone further than Athens (nearest big city). How did they know? I asked. They just knew. This is maybe more understandable in a relatively cut off, very trditional and orthadox villiage with very limited access to other ideas (noone there I knew then had the Internet); but I think it is less forgivable in Britain. We are clearly not best. I am proud of some things I think British people do well - but sad about things we don't - and definitely don't think we can rank a people overall in any kind of bestness heirarchy.

a story that I like

2007-12-10T04:09:00.000-08:00

(the story so far)once upon a time there was a king called Marcus who loved his queen, Marlyn, more than all the world and the stars combinedIn the mornings he would bring her egg and toast, made by himself (he wouldn't let the servants help) and in the evening he would fluff her pillows before she lay downHe loved his queen so much that he couldn't listen to his generals during the council of war, and kept getting distracted while his royal treasurer was giving his accounts.He loved her so much that he commissioned the best sculptor in the land to make a statue of her out of pure white marbleThe scultptor was given a royal estate so he could work in complete concentration. Everyday the king's hunt would catch fine game for the scultptor to eat, and the king proclaimed that no one might bother or insult the scultptor in any wayAfter a year, the king asked the scultptor how it was going and the sculptor said that althought the work was progressing fast, the queen's beauty was such that the job was very difficult, very stressing, and he wasn't finished quite yetThe king worried even more, and took to going round to the scultptor's house to fluff his pillows, so that he would get a good night's rest before each day of work on the statue.After two years the statue was finished and the whole kingdom came to marvel at it. Indeed, it was a thing of complete wonder! The light fell on the statue, looking like it was kissing soft, white, skin. The eyes followed you around the room with a look of love and regal - almost divine - authority.When the queen herself saw the statue she was immediately flattered immensely and praised the sculptor and her husband the king to high heaven. But as the openning ceremony wore on, she stood further and further away from the statue, and finally, before it was even midnight said that she was overcome with tiredness and had to retire to her quarters.(second half)The king and his courtiers danced all night, admiring the statue, which seemed to grow more and more beautiful to them as the night wore on. In the morning the queen wasn't rested at all, but was pale and tired.At breakfast time the king decided to let her sleep and went, instead, to see how his statue looked in the morning light. Oh! It was more wonderous than ever! It's eyes seemed to shine with a luster, it's skin looked soft and inviting. The lips - oh the lips! - were full and round and seemed to whisper "Kiss Me" to the king.The king spent nearly the whole day with the statue, and by the evening his wife the queen had not recovered from her swoon, but instead had become even more frail.Th next day the king was to distracted by thoughts of his beautiful statue that he could not listen to his generals in the council of war, nor could he concentrate on the accounts when his royal treasurer laid them out for him. All he could think of was the beauty of the statueThe state of affairs went on for weeks, with the king obsessed by the beauty of the statue, and the queen growing more and more weak. One day, when the king was brought news that a neighbouring kingdom had raided his borders he did not visit the queen at all throughout the whole day.In the night she died and the news was brought to the king as he sat at the feet of the statue in the ballroom. He rushed at once to her bedside, but - too late! - her beauty had faded forever.The king was distraught beyond measure and tore at his hair and clothes and stomped around the palace wailing. Nothing seemed good or true or beautiful to him now - now he'd lost his queen he remembered how much he'd loved her.Because of what it brought to mind he could not stand the statue any more and ordered it moved to a corner. Now when he looked at it is seemed an ugly thing. And so it became, hanging with cobwebs and covered in dust.The king was so long in mourning that he did not have time to listen to his generals or his treasurer about the troubles in the kingdom. Soon the neighbouring kingdoms had taken all the land, and his generals had gone off to join their armies, and the treasurer took the money off to the city and all the servants left and the king wandered the palace in miserable isolation, his footfalls echoing now down the empty corridors - the loneliness man in the world, having lost everything.One evening, at dusk, he stopped in what had once been the great ballroom and he caught sight of the statue, which was now a disgusting thing, wilted in the corner. The shine was gone from its eyes and the softness from the skin. Eventually, from neglect, it had just crumbled and falled.At this point the king realised the point of his tale. The queen had faded when he ignored her for the statue, and the kingdom had faded when he'd ignored it as well. Finally, when he'd lost everything important he'd ignored the statue as well and that had faded to the ugly thing it was now. He realised that beauty wasn't a physical thing, something you could capture and fix in a statue, it wasn't intrinsic, but instead it arose when you loved someone or something and it grew the more and more the longer that your adored them.
THE END

By my friend the secret mayor of sheffield

2007-12-10T03:29:00.001-08:00

The sun is shining right onto my face through the window. If I close my eyes everything is red behind them. I could be on the sea shore sitting on a rock with barnacles sticking into my feet. And so there I am. Looking at the beach and the sea, with my legs stretched out and a book by my side I consider whether I am happy here.

It's peaceful.

But I am not happy because I know that when I go back to my hut, you will not be there. There will be no letter from you, and I will not be having coffee with you again soon. I will not call you to tell you about the idea I had about time and space or about my worries about death that I had when I woke from my nap.

So the beauty of the beach and the sun and sky is mocking me. So I am going to open my eyes and come back to my office and not go there anymore.

No to IDcards

2007-12-09T01:45:00.000-08:00

The No2ID website gives many reasons why ID cards are a bad idea. It argues that having a central data base containing 50 pieces of personal information on everyone of us that may be shared between different organisations is extremely worrying. It also points out that the reasons the government gives for collecting this biometric information and forcing us to carry cards have not been shown to be valid. There is a great summary of all of the problems here <http://www.no2id.net/IDSchemes/whyNot.php>
I think that even if these arguments did not hold, there would still be something terrible about forcing everyone into this - something fundamentally not right. Land - it doesn't belong to anyone - our species has been moving about for thousands of years. Who can demand that I must be labelled, checked, stamped, watched, monitored, measured, just to live on this bit of land when i have not committed a crime? All in this list already happens I know, but it doesn't all get put in the same place, and generally there is a specific good reson for giving the information (e.g. to get a passport, or to check that I am healthy, or to apply for a lisence for something). The info collected for the idea cards is for the purpose of control. It will attempt to stamp out difference - it will take away those few gaps where people who are extraordinary sit quietly and bring richness and liberty and alternative possibilities of living to us to show us we have a choice; people like Knulp - the character by Herman Hesse http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermann_Hesse
in a book of the same name (1915) - whose free roaming life dipped into community to bring it poetry and a glimpse into another way. Not everyone can choose to live in this way - but that's ok because not everyone would choose that - but we need the possiblity of escape if we are to feel free. If I want to go and live in the woods, or if I want to simply be nomadic and live outside the majority social system, or join a self-sufficient commune, or if I want to busk everyday and move from city to city - no permanent address - perhaps just a first name - perhaps no documents - perhaps not knowing my age - - - I want these possibilities to exist. If it is illegal for me not to carry an ID card then these will not be possible.

A tutor of mine got angry with me once when I objected to his criticism of people who chose not to get a 'proper job' and instead played music in the streets, or juggled for a living, or something lie that. He said - why should he have to work this hard and feel this stressed and pay taxes that help to support people who are being 'lazy'. And the answer is - you chose to do this job - you have the benefits of being able to buy a house and heat it, to but the things you want, to go abroad on holiday.... why do you object to others exercising their choice and chosing to keep the time and not 'work' for the money. I think we need the variety - my tutor was a teacher and of course we need him - but I think we also need the people who live on the outside and they bring us something that we don't often consciously notice - they bring the possibility of difference. They also bring music, andcharacter, and escape.

flatland

2007-12-09T01:41:00.000-08:00

Someone clever explained this to me before with the example of an orange landing on a 2D world. This is similar. Very good fun.

What could the other dimensions be?

Dr. Quantum

2007-12-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

I need a physisist.

2007-12-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

I think the quote below is so powerfully right. What truth is there behind the belief that one has led a good life when circumstances have presented little challenge to that path?

Am I not to blame then for the things that have tempted me away from being 'good'?

I do wish that was right right now. Then I could sink back to sleep and let the world happen to me and know there is nothing I can do to change it's path or mine.

Is there anything I can do? Is my deliberation of my yet unmade decisions pointless. Tomorrow they will be made. And tomorrow, looking back on today, my endless procrastinating and uncertainty would seem a waste of time because the outcome of the decision existed all along.

2007-12-07T03:54:00.000-08:00

And how many there are who may
have led a long and blameless life,
who are only fortunate in having
escaped so many temptations.

- Kant, Metaphysical Elements of Ethics, in Dennett (1984) Elbow Room: The Varieties of Free Will Worth Wanting. Cambridge: The MIT Press. p.92.

Who makes the news?

2007-10-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

There is an 85 year old writer in the Ecologist who makes a lot of sense.

Here are some of the things she says in her article 'Who makes the news?' which was in the july/ august edition.

She begins by criticising the media for spending so much coverage time on the abduction or whatever of the girl in Portugal, then:

As I write at my kitchen table, the 'news' bulletin on BBC TV leads with, well, what do you suppose?

Was it the gigantic stock market fever of takeovers and mergers currently mounting to an almighty crash? The energy and oil crisis? Global warming? Rising crime rates? The extermination of increasing numbers of species on whoich our own lives depend?

No. Why bother with such trifles when an aeroplane develops a technical fault preventing hundreds of Liverpool fans from flying across Europe to watch a game in Athens? There's news for you!
...........

The media today is run by the board room boys, who control the gigantic international trade and manufacture of arms, they control the oil, the banks, insurance, transport, political party funding (yes!) and more.

...........

Before we can se the answer we must see the problem: a public consciousness with a totally false conception of public affairs; affairs so out of control that they threaten our survival. The media is itself a part of th emachinery of this catastrophe and the short answer is, as it is for so much else, do it yourself, do it local and do it small....

Cassandra on p. 23 of The Ecologist. July/ August 2007

I wish though, she would put in some references for the statements she makes about who controls our news. I would like to know in what way they do. I would like to know how they control the BBC - and if they do, than how does the BBC still manage to produce independent and not necessarily big-corporation-friendly stuff?

Why it's green to go veggie

2007-09-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

Raising cattle is one of the most damaging components of agriculture*4. They cause the most environmental damage of any non-human species through over-grazing, soil erosion, desertification and tropical deforestation for ranches, in addition to their gaseous emissions and manure products. Studies on world food security estimate that an affluent diet containing meat requires up to 3 times as many resources as a vegetarian diet*5.

(Vegetarian Society http://www.vegsoc.org/environment/index.html )

A good reason for me to try harder to go back to being vegetarian, or at least a more responsible meat and fish-eater. The best reason, prehaps.

Zorba The Greek

2007-09-14T03:24:00.001-07:00

Came across these that i had scribbled down after reading Zorba. No page numbers.

'Have you noticed, boss, everything good in this world is an invention of the devil? Pretty women, spring, roast suckling, wine - the devil made them all! God made monks, fasting, chamomile tea and ugly women.....pooh.'

'As a child...I had almost fallen into the well. When grown up, I nearly fell into the word "eternity" and into quite a number of other words too - "love", "hope", "country", 'god". As each word was conquered and left behind, I had the feeling that I had escaped a danger and made some progress.'

london

2007-09-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

I came back from London feeling very glad I don't live there. Some people were wonderful - people on the CAAT demonstration - Oh including a beautiful unassuming fellow with his painting of a mountain and a molehill who I walked back to the station with. He put up with school kids jeering at him and was very concerned about our safety when crossing roads. Policetoo were on the whole happy to be engaged in talk which surprised me. I asked one what he thought about the arms fair - he said he had no idea what happened in there either. I asked him what he thought about the protest and he said he felt it had gone well so far. He said demonstrating peacefully like we were meant there was no need for it to be difficult (hmm). I asked him if he had enjoyed the speeches and he said yes. I asked him if policemen are allowed to choose which demonstrations they policed, and if they could ask not to police one if they sympathised with the demonstrators (purposely naive) - he said no, they couldn't do that, he said their job wasn't to ask questions but to go where they were told to. We also talked about the weather, and how uncomfortable his clothes must be (4 or 5 layers including bullet proof jacket) in this heat and he said it was awful! I wonder if he would have found it harder to hit me with a batton later if it had all got rowdy, i mean - does talkoiing to someone a bit make it harder to be pushy with them later? I bet it does. We actually realise we are all human.

Oh - yes - disappointing people - racist taxi driver - apparently I shouldn't ask black people anything because they always lie. Disgraceful!

Another man who completely ignored me when i asked a polite question. I was shocked. Not even a grunt in response. Who are these people? In Sheffield people respond with lots of extra words on top of the expected ones.

I enjoyed the march though - there was a feeling of victory about it. Mark Thomas was with oomph.

Brown doing something different?

2007-09-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

This is an article on Open Democracy. It says Brown is using different language to Blair and Bush when talking about Iraq and terrorism. It says he is adopting a new style which is not as in keeping with Bush as Bush might like.

This is good. I hope it is the start of something even better. He is still backing Trident though.

2007-09-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

http://xkcd.com/310/

Dawkins - The God Delusion

2007-09-07T06:30:00.001-07:00

There was one place I felt Dawkins didn't follow through with the argument enough for me to feel satisfied. He says:

'In our hypothetical tribe, imagine a single self-interested warrior in an army dominated by aspiring martyrs eager to die for the tribe and earn a heavenly reward. He will be only slightly less likely to end up on the winning side as a result of hanging back in the battle to save his own skin. The martyrdom of his comrades will benefit him more than it benefits each one of them on avarage, because they will be dead. He is more likely to reproduce than they are, and his genes for refusing to be martyred are more likely to be reproduced into the next generation. Hence tendencies towards martyrdom will decline in future generations.'

p. 170-171, The God Delusion

I am not at all qualified to comment on this really. But, anyway - I have a problem with 2 things: 1. Are we sure that martyrdom in humans is more about genes than environment, or than a combination? I know he hasn't said that, but he still puts the argument too simply. Martyrs may inspire their relatives not to be martyrs when they see the great load of death. They might be more likely to be martyrs so they can honour their ancestors. The child of a selfish parent who hung back may be shamed and choose martyrdom herself. This feels wooly but it wasn't in my head. 2. He says that tendencies towards martyrdom will decline in future generations - how can this be? Surely there would be an up and down cycle of more, then less, then more martrys/ non-martrys.... I mean, If you start to get lots of selfish,, non-martrys in a population (because the martyrs are dying to young to make babies) then eventually that population will lose the collective benefit that martyrdome brought and the population will be under greater threat. Those who do not work together may be more likely to be killed, and thus the numbers of martyrs (willing to put themselves at risk for the greater benefit) should rise again...on and on repeatedly.

Perhaps I have just missed something.

Dawkins - The God Delusion

2007-09-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

This is full of metaphors which help me understand. I particularly liked the idea of an arch to help understand things which seem 'irreducibly complex' from a natural selection point of view. Dawkins writes that the arch will collapse if we remove one stone, so it is hard to understand how it was ever built. This is the argument used by some Christians who find life-forms which have parts or mechanisms which don't seems to fit the bit by bit natural selection theory because the thing only functions with all the bits in place at once. Dawkins helps us to see that the arch could have been build using scaffolding, or by making a pile of stones first and removing them one by one (the same thing as scaffolding i think). All those bits could have arrived because they were attached to other parts or other functions.

I also think the wonderfulness of our being here is truly celebrated by Dawkins in this book.

He does seem a bit childishly snide of people with who he disagrees. They must have fought back somewhere.

Leonard Cohen

2007-08-31T06:14:00.000-07:00

'I'm standing on a ledge
and your fine spider Webb
is fastening my ankles to a stone'

From So Long Mary Anne,
Leonard Cohen

2007-08-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

What is Love then?

I want to rush home after work because of it. I want to wake happy because I share it. I want to love back as much as I am loved.

I feel half alive.

2007-08-29T04:08:00.000-07:00

I thought it might become clearer but it hasn't at all. I am in a horrible place.

2007-08-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Our son has just learnt the meaning of 'no'. This is wonderful. It is amazing how fast he learns. He is a beautiful little boy and i love him with all my heart.

2007-08-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

You just went home.
Bye bye.
Even though i was alone anyway
in this room
I feel lonlier now
than i did before your little orange face turned grey.

x

2007-08-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

Very sleepy.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr
vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
gururururururur
says the busbusbusbusbusbus
mmmmmmmmmmm
nap please

no widening M1

2007-08-19T01:52:00.000-07:00

The widening of the M1 motorway (already started) is a short sighted thing. Apart from the obvious contradiction to the government's green rhetoric, it has been shown that increasing motorway capacity is only a short-term solution because the traffic build up to fill the new space (will find some evidence for this) - and so in the end you have the same problem.

Imagine a reliable, clean, cheap, safe rail service: frequent trains that are on time, that have spaces for bikes and places for families (so that babies can be changed and fed - i know from personal experience how hard it is to take a small baby on a midland mainline train) - and imagine linked bus services. Imagine trams that cross cities (again that you can take bikes on). Imagine cycle lanes that you can follow everywhere! I don't see why this is impossoble. If the government is spending so many millions on widening the M1 : http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2073611,00.html
how can they not justify spending the same on environmentally friendly means of travel?

Climate Camp

2007-08-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

The following comment was made about people taking non-violent direct action at the Climate camp happening at the moment near Heathrow. I not only disagree with the essence of the comment (as I do with the comment that this one was responding to earlier in the discussion postings), but also with the aggressive and unnecessary insults that this person uses (e.g. useless, stuck up bastards). The level of anger in this comment and others like this (and there are lots) I think betrays something deeper than annoyance at people who peacefully demonstrate. It makes such little sense to build one’s argument on insulting, poorly founded criticism like this. I wish that the energy put into such comment could be put instead into doing something to help change the current situation.

Here is the comment, from

http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2007/08/377895.html?c=on#c178580

10.08.2007 11:33
'ACAB', Well failiure maybe somethoing to do with all those useless stuckup 'middle class' bastards, some of whom must be working for the state ( tho they don''t have to as they do bring bourgous values to activism ). they claim non hierarchies etc. but seem to want to control everything ( and muck it up) , and some even claim to be anarchists which is patently nonsense- more like media whores and NGO wannabies who don't like doing labour. Don't be their stepping stones - uselss cunts. there pacifism is because they want the staus quo - and I certainly wouldn't want those 'activists' running any revolution - it certainly wouldn't benefit me, my family or any other poor people. Do your own thing and ignore those pratts from Dissent or whatever they are calling themselves now etc. - you know who...
hippos

I also resent the opinion that people who campaign using non-violent direct action are lazy or useless. The activists I know are all very hard working people who stand up for what they believe in a respectful, peaceful, and well-informed way. Where does the impression of laziness come from?

Johann Hari writes in this week’s Independent

‘….”These unemployed layabouts” and “stupid hippies” (copyright Talksport Radio) must be the most scientifically qualified protestors in history, with every other person seemingly a science graduate.
I recognise an undercover journalist from a right-wing newspaper and he says “This is terrible! I’ve been sent to find stories about drug addicted layabouts and they’re all nice people with PhD’s”’

J. Hari. The Independent, 18th August 207. p. 2

The article also comments upon the Police’s use of Anti-terror laws against the protestors. This is terrifying to me. I don’t understand how people can hate peaceful activists so vehemently with no comment upon this government’s tactics which are threatening our freedoms bit by bit.

That's all.

2007-08-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

[The] words, rising up, form a thick cloud over the city, which every so often must be thoroughly cleansed of too much language. Men and women in balloons fly up from the main square and, armed with mops, and scrubbing brushes, do battle with the canopy of words trapped under the sun.

The words resist erasure. The oldest and most stubborn form a thick crust of chattering rage. Cleaners have been bitten by words still quarrelling, and in one famous lawsuit a woman whose mop had been eaten and whose hand was badly mauled by a visous row sought to bring the original antagonists to court. The men responsible made their defense on the grounds that the words no longer belonged to them.
(p.17)

That night two lovers whispering underthe lead canopy of the church were killed by their own passion. Their effusion of words, unable to escape through the saturnian discipline of lead, so filled the spaces of the loft that the air was all driven away. The lovers suffocated, but when the sacristan opened the tiny door the words tumbled over him in their desire to be free, and were seen flying across the city in the shape of doves.
(p.19)

FromJeanette Winterson (1989) Sexing the Cherry. Bloomsbury.

2007-08-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

If you want to become whole,
first let yourself become broken.
If you want to become straight,
first let yourself become twisted.
If you want to become full,
first let yourself become empty.
If you want to become new,
first let yourself become old.
Those whose desires are few gets them,
those whose desires are great go astray.

Tao Te Ching translation by McDonald, 1996

sad

2007-08-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

I re-read them
all the loving things
I found some wisdom and hope in them
and a lot of feeling happy too
and now i feel cross that they still exist
taunting child-ghosts that don't know the pain they cause
I want to go back.
Sad.

oli

2007-08-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

Now Oli has started to crawl, he has discovered he can get to things that he wants. He gets extremely cross when he realises he is not allowed to have them! And I laugh a bit because his upsettedness is so over-the-top when all he can't do is grab the guitar or something. And then I thought - perhaps it really is worth all that misery - ever since he was born he has believed that he is the master of everything - he secretly controls everything - he can make milk appear and make someone pick him up - but now something is going very wrong. I gave the instruction to the guitar to stay where it was so i could pull it over - but low - it moved before i got there.

What a terrible blow - a terrible thing to learn i cannot always have what i want and other people have wills that are different to mine.

I will try to be more sympathetic.

I am still grieving about the same thing.

Life of Brian

2007-08-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

How can I have got to 31 and never seen the Monty Python films? I thought Life of Brian was hilarious, and I don't often laugh out loud at things. I particularly liked the stoning scene, and the holding up of the shoes - ha ha.

And it made me remember the website tom showed me http://www.godhatesfigs.com/index2.html
because of the ridiculous things people suddenly decide to believe in and all the rules that have to be followed.

That's it

crowds

2007-07-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

I got lots of opportunity to watch the crowd at the Arctic Monkeys' gig in Manchester this weekend. There were moments when I was almost terrified. SO many people in one place and very narrow exits - I felt quite overwhelmed by the power all these people had together, and all the panic and squashing that would happen if everyone got scared and tried to get out at once.
There were some drunk boys playing with a football which was very annoying to begin with because they kept hitting people, but because they were so drunk and kept falling over it turned into between-gig entertainment. They were wonderfully disobedient and the security people in yellow coats failed completely to get the ball off them. One poor lad of about 17 in a yellow coat bravely marched in and grabbed the ball and all the crowd booed him, and he went very red. He was accosted by crowd members who tried to get the ball from him and of course one succeeded and threw the ball back into the arena and everyone cheered. The security all slunk off. It was a defeat to the stoppers-of-fun and a victory to being silly.

I wondered - if there was a real crisis - a fire - someone with a gun -how nice would people be to each other? Would we all look out for ourselves?

I queued for 2 hours to use the toilet and was very close to just weeing where i stood. I thought how easily we could all lose our polite conventions when our basic urges need satisfying. I saw a woman wee once - in the middle of the high street - right in the middle of the road - it was really shocking - and everyone (including me) completely ignored her - pretended she wasn't there. Amazing! Something so shocking - though we all glare and look annoyed if someone just swears at a child in the street, or bumps into us - I suppose some things we just don't know how to deal with. I think it was more shocking because she had no shame, and it was a busy street. A man weeing by the wall is somehow far less difficult to deal with - very sexist.

hmm

ALex's My Space page

2007-07-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

Alex's music

gaps

2007-07-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

It doesn't stop
but it sits with me
in the gaps
between things that
happen

At the moment I am working
for fewer gaps

And I am looking up a lot
so I can't see them when they come
so I keep falling in

The gaps are the same shape as me (almost)

2007-07-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

This is a very useful list of terms and abbreviations on the Trade Justice Movement website.

http://www.tjm.org.uk/events/lobby/jargon.shtml

I am finding remembering them all very difficult. I had a student who asked me for specific examples of trade injustice and they all slipped my mind - except for some vague ones about tomatoes and rice.

Must find some.

2007-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Wine
http://www.opendemocracy.net/ecology-foodwithoutfrontiers/article_1756.jsp

2007-07-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

A spider just went splat onto my desk after dropping off the ceiling. I don't like it at all. It's not a big spider but it looks different to other spiders i have seen - kind of thick and sinister. It has crawled under some papers which i dare not move, but i cannot think about much else now - what if it has creapt round the edge of the desk, up me and is now sitting in my hair, laughing?

Funny that no matter how serious and consuming big important life things can be, little things like thinking about lunch, feeling annoyed at the rain, really needing the toilet, seeing a spider.... can totally distract me for a few moments. I wonder if I could fill my life so full of distraction, most of the pain would go away for most of the time.

Oh - where is it - what if it is a poisonous spider that escaped from a box of bananas flown in from somewhere exotic and it will bite me and i'll never get to say all the things I want to to people I love.

My hairs are standing on end.

2007-07-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

Exciting things used to be simple. Dinosaurs crushed the winter trunks a few feet in front of me and never saw me on the top of the log. There was a huge sun one night. I saw it through my window and it had smaller stars flying from it, and i was 8, and i was excited about that for a long time.

Now exciting wonderful things are not simple a lot of the time - although some exciting things still are - some of the best ones.